Earlier in the day, I was on the phone to Anthony and we had an argument about suicide. I knew he was starting to go downhill before I talked to him but when the subject came up, our differences began to show. One thing I’m not good at, as most of you may have noticed, is being sympathetic. I have no time or patience for people who are dwelling on the events of the past or those who talk about how much better the world would be without them.
That said, I should really start to learn how to be more patient towards these people because not over a month ago I was feeling those exact things. I was honestly ready to die just because I wanted to pain to end and I was fed up with feeling like I was disabled. I understand that Anthony is going through a similar time at the moment but this seems to be a reoccurring problem that I’m getting fed up with dealing with. I love Anthony like a brother but I truly hate it when he goes into one of these funks.
Even though it was a hard conversation, it definitely needed to happen because it was a part of the firework display that happened last night. I’d been feeling like there was no point in continuing because it didn’t seem like I was going to fulfill my purpose in this life or even meet my significant other, but that was because my attitude wasn’t in the right place. Last night, as I listened to this emotional song about a girl who had prayed for her future husband and now they were dancing at their wedding, I became determined to continue living my life and actually fight.
I’m tired of standing back, allowing the enemy to take all of my strength and my hope! Yesterday, was the first day I truly felt myself again. My determination came back and I realized just how ready I am to follow after the Father!
When all these things became clear, I felt the Spirit come over me and my spirit was filled with hope and joy. As my music continued to play, I started to worship my Father and pray to Him. He never left me, I’d just closed my heart and allowed the enemy to take dominion, but that ends NOW!
As I write this, my neck is still hurting and I still have a headache, but do you know what? I’m happy and I know that this too shall pass! It’s no longer going to be, “Oh, woe is me!” It’s going to be, “YHVH is my King and even though I’m in pain, He will be my comforter and protector!”
My encouragement for the week is for you to find out the source of your pain or loneliness and do something about it. Stop sitting on your butt, expecting the thing you want to come to you because it won’t. I learned that if I continue to do nothing but lay in my bed all day, I’ll never fulfill what YHVH has planned for me to do or meet the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.
As this new week begins, I’m so ready to take it head on and start being more active. I’m starting to workout my body and my spirit. After months of laying in bed, but my body has started to show its lack of strength and needs to be toned. My spirit also needs a lot of work because it’s thirsty for God’s Word and needs to be nourished.
Obstacles are always going to come our way, but how we react is the key to everything! Sometimes, we’re not going to act correctly but then we learn from our mistakes. I’m learning how to be more aware of other’s feelings instead of my own and stepping out of my bubble.
Now that my dad has gone home, I have to step up my game and become more independent. I no longer have my dad to take me places or make decisions for me, it’s now up to me. However, with YHVH’s guidance, I believe I can conquer anything! I’m so excited for this week to come!
2 Corinthians 4:16-18, “Therefore we do not lose heart, but even if our outward man is perishing, the inward man is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary pressure is working for us a far more exceeding and everlasting weight of esteem. We are not looking on what is seen, but on what is not seen. For what is seen passes away, but what is not seen is everlasting.”