I love my family but I’ve started to realize that I don’t really fit in with the family members that are from my dad’s side. We have very different points of views about many things and I just can’t seem to be myself with my own viewpoints when I'm with them because it causes tension.
When everyone came over for dinner it didn’t take but five minutes for everyone to start talking about Xmas. It was really annoying because everyone started telling stories about what it was like in their houses on Xmas morning. I ended up sitting there wondering if the conversation would ever stop. Thank goodness there was food around me so I could just focus on eating instead of the conversation that was at hand.
Usually, I can fit right in with my Scottish family and make conversation with the family members that were around me, but that didn’t happen this time. I think it was because they didn’t know what to talk to me about since they knew I wouldn’t participate in the talk of the holidays that are still ages away.
To make matters worse, before my cousins and everyone had turned up, my Grandma and I had a disagreement. When we were at church I chose not to participate in the communion because it was incorrect according to my beliefs.
My Grandma waited until we were at home to bring it up. I told her that the way they were doing it originated from Baal temple worship and that I want to participate in something that I believe was wrong. She kinda flipped out at that and started to defend herself by saying that it was a remembrance of what “Jesus” did for us on the Cross. I told her that it didn’t matter how you observed certain things, the origin will always be there.
Of course, my Grandma didn’t like that at all and went completely quiet and a bit cold towards me. A couple of minutes later, when we were setting the table, she said that she was planning on using Xmas napkins but she knew I wouldn’t like that. I told her that I wouldn’t, and after a couple of seconds she declared that she was going to use them anyway. At this, I wanted to go up to my room and cry. I’ve never had to deal with this before and I couldn’t believe how conflicted my Grandma was towards my beliefs.
I cheered up once my cousins came over but two of them didn’t even say a word to me. I was almost like I was invisible. I’m not trying to be all negative, I did sorta enjoy my evening with them, it’s just I don’t feel like I belong around them any more. I’ve made plans to hang out with my oldest cousin in Glasgow, so hopefully that will be a better experience.
Once everyone left and I’d helped clean up, I went of FaceTime with my Nanny and Papa. As soon as I opened my mouth and said hello, my Nanny knew something was wrong. They cheered me up and we had a good giggle.
I now see the difference between the two sides of my family. My dad’s side has a hard time relating to me, while my mom’s side is more accepting and doesn’t question us. It also helps that my mom’s parents have some of the same beliefs so easy to talk to them. I hope that in these last couple of days that I am with my Grandma, that I can shine a light and she can see what she might be missing in her life. I’m so excited to be going down south to England where I can chill out with my other grandparents and not have a conversation about Xmas.