This week, I was challenged in many areas of my life. I'm currently trying to read a book called, "Hello David I'm God,” however it’s taking me longer than expected. With each chapter, sometimes each page, I'm convicted by the way I’m living my life and challenged with what was written. One of the lessons I’ve learned through reading this book was that in order to fulfill my vision from YHVH, I first need to learn how to be a servant, which is definitely easier said than done.
This trip hasn't been easy. At times, I have wondered why I came because nothing seemed to be happening, but I'm being molded. Every day brings another set of challenges and it can be quite difficult to react correctly. Honestly, I think my dad pushes me to my limit just to see if I'm going to blow up, which has happened. It can get quite frustrating.
However, that all being said, my dad and I had an amazing conversation the other night as we made our way to Scotland. During his teaching in Birmingham, I started having lots of thoughts that I needed to write down. When we got in the car, I had enough time to tell dad what I had written and, to my surprise, he actually responded with very helpful advice!
Some of the questions I was asking myself were: 1) Why won’t my dad give me good answers when I ask him questions? 2) Why isn’t he teaching me how not to respond badly when I’m agitated? 3) Why do I feel stuck in a rut and unable to move forward? 4) Why does my writing seem more mature than I am? 5) And am I moving toward my destiny?
As my dad and I went through each question, I got more understanding of what I’m doing wrong and what I need to be doing. During our conversation, I never felt condemned, instead I felt loved and honored that my dad was really taking the time to answer the questions that were on my heart. It was really encouraging to hear my dad’s response and learn what I need to be doing in order to move forward.
Every week, I’m writing these blogs and feeling like I’m making progress, but I end up going backward during the week. I don’t want to write anything that I’m not going to be living by. Practice what you preach is definitely a motto for this week! I’m sorry that I haven’t been the person I say I’m going to be in my writings. From now on, I’m really going to try to only write what I have accomplished or am really pursuing.
When my dad answered question four, he revealed that it’s actually a positive thing that my writings are more mature than I am. However, I need to make sure that I’m walking in what I’ve written. A good writer is going to write maturely but we also need to have the Spirit in us so that our works aren’t all about knowledge.
Questions one and two were hard to tell my dad because I didn’t know how he would respond, but I had nothing to worry about because he isn’t a person who gets offended and just wants to help. So, my dad went on say that he hasn’t taught me all the things I want to know until I’m fully ready to hear the answers and grow since he wants me to desire to grow and learn, rather than being force-fed the information.
My dad also said that he is just my mentor, the Holy Spirit is my teacher. I need to learn how to lean on the Holy Spirit and make the decision to stop my agitation because only I can make that choice. In order to do this, I need to pray more and spend more time in the Word.
When we read the Word we are having a wash, but when we meditate we are being nourished because the Word is food. At the moment, I still haven’t mastered meditation, but I’m hoping that I will soon. For the rest of this trip, I’m really going to try to spend more time listening to the Word and drawing closer to the Father.
Another lesson I learned this week is that prayer is a very powerful thing! There have been many occasions on this trip where I’ve prayed for things and they’ve happened. For instance, I wrote last week that I had prayed for strength to help my dad, and Elohim answered!
We’ve come to the part of the trip where we are in Scotland. From the very beginning, I was dreading coming to Scotland because I would be staying at my grandma’s house. For years, my grandma and I have butted heads. From the very beginning, we’ve never really clicked since we’re two very different people.
It’s always been a struggle of mine to go to my grandma’s house because I would always feel rejected. I was nervous about this visit because I didn't have Zack, my adopted big brother, to go on longs walks with me like we did last time I came to my gran’s house. However, after praying before arriving, there was a different atmosphere when I arrived at my grandma’s house.
For the first time in a long time, it seems like my grandma and I are actually getting along. She’s showing concern for me, complimenting me, and even rubbed an anti-inflammatory cream on my neck, praying as she applied it. Truly, that is the most physical contact we’ve had since I was a kid. haha
My prayers for peace with my grandma are continuing, but so far this visit has been much better than all the others. I’m really encouraged by this because it just showed me how the Lord, YHVH, has His hand on my life and wants there to be love between me and my grandma.
My prayer for this week is that YHVH will continue to convict me of the things that need to come out of my life. It’s hard to let things go when I’m so comfortable with them; but when I start to focus more on Jesus, Yeshua, and less on what I like, I believe there is going to be a big change in the way I live my life. I'm just praying I have the strength to do it.
I’ve already had a two or three day fast from Hamilton but caved today as I needed a dose of the soundtrack, haha! This is a problem. My dad pointed out if I can spend hours learning the words to Hamilton, why can’t I do the same with the Word! It’s time to learn my Bible!
Matthew 7:8, “For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it shall be opened.”
Psalm 32:8, “Let Me instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; Let Me counsel, My eye be on you.”
Proverbs 1:7, “The fear of YHVH is the beginning of knowledge…”