The evening after my mikvah, I got agitated at my mom for the way she kept rushing and stressing out. What bugged me was how she kept blaming me for being late, even though she was also unprepared. And after all the rushing, the appointment we were supposed to go to after dinner was cancelled, so it was really for nothing. I got really upset at the words that were said and stormed out the restaurant to try to get myself under control. Looking back, that was a great lesson of what not to do when frustrated.
Two of my greatest struggles are, not allowing my emotions to get the better of me and not acting off them. Today, kids are taught that they should listen to their hearts and emotions and act off them; but from experience, that is definitely NOT the way to go! The night after my mikvah, I definitely acted off my emotions and it made everyone around me feel uncomfortable and want to leave as soon as possible. I regret the way I acted and am praying for strength over my emotions so it doesn’t happen again.
Last weekend, my mom, Catherine (our guest from Canada), and I went to Raanana to meet up with my friend Duke. He’s a lone soldier from America and we met a couple months ago through Facebook, after a friend suggested I befriend him. He’s a nice, genuine, guy, but I don’t really click with him.
Whenever I hang out with Duke, I automatically go really quiet and into my shell. I think it could be his intensity that makes me do it. My mom and Catherine really enjoyed spending time with him, but I couldn’t wait to leave. I don’t mean to be like that, but I’m just not comfortable around him and get drained after only an hour with him.
I try to avoid bringing up subjects with him, because it always seems like he thinks he know’s everything and states his opinion quite heavily. I don’t know, to me it feels like I’m constantly being pushed down, and I don’t like it. So, in order to not feel that way, I stay quiet and observe.
When we finally said goodbye to Duke, we drove to Netanya so I could see Izzy and Nathan. As soon as we started driving toward’s Nathan’s house, it was like my energy came back and I couldn’t wait to get there. When their door opened, I flew into Nathan’s arms and gave him a big hug, I was so happy to be back with my people! His grandparents, who I’ve adopted as my own, had just arrived back from their trip to America, so I gave them big hugs as well.
I am so thankful I had that time with Nathan and Izzy before going home, because it made the day worthwhile. Being with them felt like home, and I was sure to show it as soon as I stepped inside. Catherine later told me that she thought Duke was like G.I. Joe and Nathan is just squishy, which made me laugh.
The lesson I learned that day was how different personalities react with one another. I always knew there was something that didn’t click between me and Duke, and now I know what it is. Somehow, I’m going to have to try to get passed that though, because I know that I’m going to see him again. As long as we get to go back to the amazing waffle restaurant we found, I can definitely try my best suck it up.
Before Catherine returned to Canada, we went out with my grandparents for a boat ride and dinner. We met up with a friend of my dad’s, Arthur, who was leading a tour around Israel, to join them for a boat ride on the Kinneret (Galilee). I was really excited about going and getting some great pictures with my Nikon camera, but getting there was a baligan (Hebrew word for crazy).
My grandparents followed us in their car to the hotel Arthur was staying at, so they could leave their car there to get in at the end of the boat ride. Then, they hopped into our car and we drove to meet the boat, which was on the other side of town. We then had to run to catch the boat since we were late, naturally.
While on the boat, my nan and pups wanted to scatter their dog, Dylan’s, ashes over the sea. I was quiet nervous about them doing it because I knew they would want me to film it, and I could just see the ashes going all in my face. But, we knew it was time for them to let go.
So, right before getting off the boat, they let the ashes fly while the wind was calm. As predicted, there was a gust of wind and some of the ashes flew right at me and went all over my camera. It was supposed to be a touching and sad moment, but every time I see the video I can’t help but laugh as I watch the ashes fly onto my camera lens.
Once that was finished and we had all piled into my grandparents car, we went to retrieve ours. Now, I am not a fan of my papa’s driving, especially because his car is so easy to turn and he yanks it sometimes, so sitting at the back while he drove through rush hour was no fun. I tried to keep quiet, but instructions and warnings kept rushing out of my mouth before I could stop them. During the journey, I felt like we were going to die, but we made it.
Though the journey was terrifying, it was a real eye opener to see how controlling I can be. I really do need to learn how to be more patient with others and allow them to have control. I think that’s why it’s taken me so long to let God have control of my life.
This week, was my first week off school for Pesach (Passover). It was so nice to not have to go to school, especially because I started detoxing last Sunday. I knew it was coming, but I was still nervous about starting it. Thankfully, I wasn’t given a lot of time to think about it, because my mom handed me my first homeopathic pill as soon as I came down the stairs, which I took without hesitation since I was still sleepy.
The first three days were meant to be the hardest, but they weren’t that bad. Juicing was easy, quick, and actually quite yummy. I did miss chewing after a day, so I will admit that I spent the next two days craving waffles, burgers, and other things that I’m not allowed to eat for over a month. But, it was still no whereas bad as I thought it would be. By day three, I was actually enjoying it and very excited to eat a salad for dinner.
My detox consists of having at least two juices a day with one raw meal for dinner. I can also eat as many raw fruits, nuts, seeds, and vegetables as I want. When this detox wasn’t yet a reality, I thought it was going to be really difficult; but now that I’m doing it, it’s actually quite easy.
Making raw foods takes less than an hour, and it’s actually really fun to create. Every year for Pesach, we make coconut pyramids, almonds macaroons, and cinnamon balls. Mom was going to make all these wonderful goodies for everyone, except me; but before she started, she told me to use her ground almonds and make the goodies raw so I could eat them as well.
I felt my creative juices churning as I began to construct a plan on how I was going to make them raw. Surprisingly, the end result was great! I am really impressed at how good they all turned out and how delicious they were. (I’ve posted a picture of them below)
Another lesson I learned this week was about humility. On Friday, as I was talking to Anthony, I started to tell him about my frustrations with Jackson. A couple months ago, Jackson got into this big funk and started turning his back on God. Now, it seems like he’s coming back and keeps liking ALL the things I post on my Facebook, which is quite annoying.
It was sad to watch him go into the ‘funk,’ and I tried to encourage him the best I could, but it was no use. Before I knew it, we were no longer Facetiming and only texted once a month.When we did text I felt like I became a very judgemental person, which I didn’t like. I didn’t mean to do it, I was trying to joke around, but I think it came out wrong.
Anyway, the last straw for me was when he got a girlfriend. Now, he hadn’t really promised me anything so I can’t get too upset at him for getting a girlfriend. What really gets me, though, is the fact that everything he told me he avoided in a girl and doesn’t like, is everything she is. There is nothing I can’t stand more than a two faced person. If you’re going to tell me one thing and then do the other, the respect I had for you will definitely diminish.
As I watched Jackson’s snapchat stories I realized something, he was not marriage material. When a change occurred in his life, instead of hitting it dead on and going to God with his problems, he turned away from God and the godly people around him. That’s not the qualities I look for in a man, so I decided to back away and not let myself be tempted. As a result, I deleted him off my Snapchat, because I was just fed up seeing him do the things he said he wasn’t going to do.
After telling Anthony all of this, he really humbled me and made some good points. He then asked me if I would have looked at this situation differently had I not been raised the way I have, or have the standards I do. This hit me quite hard, and I really had to repent for the judging I had done. I know that people deal with situations differently, so instead of switching off right away, I need to start analyzing what’s really going on inside their head and pray that YHVH will show me how to deal with it.
I told YHVH on Friday that I was done looking at guys and seeing if they could be my future husband. Instead, I’ve handed it all over to Him and know that when the time is right, He will reveal my husband to me. Anyway, I’m too young to get married right now, I still have much more to learn and do before then.
I continue to pray for Jackson and the walk he is on. I hope, if it’s YHVH’s will, that we will reconnect and be able to talk about what happened. It’s so sad to watch any of my friends turn from YHVH and start thinking that they know better. I’m so thankful I’ve finally gotten back on the right path, now I just want my other friends to join me.
The lessons I’ve learned this last week have come at a very significant time, because it’s Pesach and the Feast of Unleavened Bread. During these feasts, we are commanded by YHVH to get all the leaven out of our houses and lives. It’s a time to reflect on the past year and repent for anything that we hadn’t already. Getting mikvahed at this time of year was absolutely perfect, because I got rid off a lot of things I was holding on to. This was actually the first year I’ve ever really looked at what “leaven” I had in my life and gotten rid of it.
During my evening Bible reads, I’ve been studying 1 Peter. The first time I read it, I couldn’t quite understand what it was saying; but, after rereading it last night, I was really encouraged by what it had to say. It’s all about faith, living a godly life, and being a Living Stone in this world.
My favourite verses from this book were 1 Peter 1:24-25, “For, ‘All people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of YHVH endures forever.’…” These verses really captured my attention because I had just been reading the book The Captive Maiden, and the male protagonist wanted to have the glory and save his own damsel in distress. It’s not until it’s almost too late when he realized that he couldn’t possibly save her without God’s help and strength.
So many times, we think that we are capable of doing tasks and don’t need to ask God about them, because they seem so simple or within reach. It’s not until something goes wrong that we recognize that we can’t do anything without His help.
As this new week begins, my prayer is that I will continue to seek His Word and His Will for the things that need to be done. I also want to spend more of my time in the Word. I have another week off Ulpan, so instead of starting a new book (no matter how much I want to), I’m going to really try to stop and read His Word.
I’ve learned so much already, but I know there’s more I need to discover before going on my next adventure. Every time I read a book in the Bible that I haven’t read before, I’m left pondering over its words. There are so many life lessons and guides told in its pages, that I can’t believe I’ve never read and applied it to my life until now!