Growing up, friends came in and out of my life. With all the moving I’ve done and the drama you go through while growing up, I always ended up with either one or zero friends. At the end of the day, the only constant people in my life were my parents. It was hard at times, but I don’t regret my life for a minute.
Thankfully, YHVH has blessed me with one long lasting friend. That friend is, of course, Anthony. Through thick and thin, we have remained friends, though I’m not too sure how. We live thousands of miles apart and I don’t think we’ve ever spent more than 3-4 hours in person, together! We’re always like two ships passing by the other, but that didn’t stop him from becoming one of my best friends.
If you’ve never been depressed, let me explain what I went through. I involuntarily went into a black hole. It was like the world around me changed color and my emotions disappeared with it. I couldn’t feel anything, and when I did it was only sadness and pain. I didn’t want to get out of my bed and ended up questioning my very existence. Though I wasn’t doing much, I was drained from the lack of emotions. When I read a book, I felt no connection to the characters and didn’t even cry when the wife almost died, which is major for me!
I didn’t know what to do, and I was slowly shutting down. I no longer had the energy to read my Bible and I honestly didn’t want to. When I prayed, it was only half-heartedly because I didn’t seem to care whether He heard me or not. Praise Yah, I got out of this darkness!
For about a week, I avoided talking to Anthony because I didn’t want him to think I was weak and disappoint him. Through the years, Anthony has had his ups and downs and gone through all of the things I’m currently experiencing. Through it all, I was always the strong one; but for the first time ever, the roles are reversed. In a way, I was ashamed of this and didn’t want to admit what I was going through, to him.
Yet, when I got to my grandparent's empty house one day this week, I realized that it was time to talk and pour my heart out to someone. I knew that the only one who would really understand all that I was going through was Anthony, so I took a leap of faith and asked if he was free.
We talked on the phone for almost an hour. At first, I didn’t think he was going to be much help because he told me that there’s no way to really get out of it, it just left; but then, in the evening, the color started coming back to my world! I think I just needed someone to talk to, hear them tell me that it was all going to be okay and learn that this was another chance to grow in my faith. By the end of this week, I felt my normal self again! I was even able to laugh so hard, I cried!
This week, I learned the true meaning of friendship. In our lives, we will have many people come and go, but true friends will stick with you through your worst. I can’t tell you how many times Anthony has tried to push me away, but I stood my ground. And now, Anthony’s doing the same for me! I am blessed to have him in my life and even though there can be a lot of drama, it’s totally worth it.
After the colorless haze had cleared, I read 1 John 4, which talked about fear and love. 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear holds punishment, and he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” Though I still don’t truly understand what it means to love, I’d like to believe that YHVH showed His love for me through Anthony that day when I really needed to hear from Him. For the first time this week, I felt peace and comfort and didn’t cry myself to sleep.
This week, I’m praying that YHVH will continue to show me what it means to love and how to show it better. In this century, people show their love through teasing and being mean, but I don’t believe that that is true love. It’s a fun thing to do with friends, but that doesn’t show them how much you love and appreciate them. To do that you have to be there to hug them or listen to them when life gets tough. If we run at the first sign of hardship, we will never grow or establish strong friendships.
I’ve had a lot of friends in my life, and if they’ve taught me anything it’s that you should never leave a friend behind and always have their back. So many times, people get offended at the stupidest things and friendships are ruined because of it. I want to make a stand and say that I don’t want to be like that anymore. Just because someone offends me, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t talk to them again. No, the mature way to handle that situation is to take a step back and breath before confronting that friend and talking to them, calmly.
I’m really excited about my next trip to America, which I’m believing in faith will happen, because I think I’m going to form some pretty great friendships. It’ll also be awesome to be near my closest friends for a couple of months! Who knows, maybe Anthony and I will be able to spend more than 4 hours together! :P
Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times…”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, one lifts his companion up. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.”
Psalms 55:5-6, 16-17, 22-23, “Fear and trembling have come upon me, And shuddering covers me. And I said, “Who would give me wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. I, I call upon Elohim, And YHVH saves me. Evening and morning and at noon I complain and moan, And He hears my voice. Cast your burden on YHVH, And let Him sustain you; He never allows the righteous to be shaken. For You, O Elohim, do bring them down To the pit of destruction; Men of blood and deceit do not reach half their days; But I, I trust in You.”