Before I get to all that, however, let me tell you about my awesome time with Anthony! I was super excited to fly to Charlotte and spend an entire day with him since we rarely spend time in person with each other. I’m usually quite quiet at the beginning of our visit, but this time I was immediately comfortable and my normal, loud, self.
After Anthony had picked me up from the airport, he took me to Ethan’s house so I could finally meet him in person! Ethan and I met over FaceTime during one of my calls with Anthony. A day after our virtual meeting, we started messaging each other and became fast friends. I was excited to meet Ethan but I wasn’t sure I was going to be my usual savage self like I am when we’re on FaceTime.
However, I had nothing to worry about because as soon as I saw Ethan, I began roasting him about his terrible parking job. From there, we went to eat and meet up with David, another friend of Anthony’s. We were planning to watch Nerve after dinner with Ethan and David, but David went home early because he couldn’t stop falling asleep.
Anthony and I also had to make a couple of trips to his house, before watching Nerve, since he kept forgetting things for his laptop. Once we had gotten the laptop, charger and whatever else that was needed, we then had to go on a quest to find a good copy of the movie. By nine or ten o’clock we’d finally found a great copy and began watching it. Nerve was an awesome movie, definitely one I would watch again!
The next day, we took Anthony’s brother, Casper, to Chick-fil-a so he could submit his application; drove to my old house so I could see it; met up with Ethan; took The Quicksilver to the garage to see about getting a muffler for it; ate at Chick-fil-a; took a short nap at Anthony’s house; met Estabrook, a friend of Anthony’s; ate at Sweet Frog for the first time; and met my parents at our favorite Vietnamese restaurant.
Going back to my old neighborhood was really nostalgic. I was shocked to find my old house green, but it looked really good. All the memories of living in that house came flooding back to me as we looked at it from the street. If we had more time, I would’ve tried to persuade Anthony to let me talk to some old neighbors, but Ethan was getting out of school and we wanted to meet up with him before he had to go to work.
Once we’d met up with Ethan, for the second time that day, we drove to a car garage to see about getting a muffler on The Quicksilver. For a time, Anthony went outside to talk to his girlfriend, leaving me and Ethan alone. For the first time ever, we didn’t argue with one another and even tried to pretend like we were choking each other when Anthony came back inside, which he didn’t notice.
Later that afternoon, after a quick power nap, Anthony and I drove to meet his other friend, Estabrook. Her first name is actually Jordan but everyone calls her by her last name. I’d talked to Estabrook on the phone once and instantly clicked, so it was really nice to meet her in person.
However, when we went to get some frozen yogurt, The Quicksilver refused to start! The negative part of its battery seemed to have corroded and sounded like it was leaking, so we had to pile in Estabrook’s car and go to the auto shop to buy some acid and jump cords. Once Anthony had gotten some of the corrosion off, we proceeded to try jump starting the car.
Praise Yah it worked! Hearing The Quicksilver start had never sounded sweeter, though it still could’ve been louder (I’m just saying). Once it was charged up, it was finally time for me to have my first experience at Sweet Frog, a frozen yogurt place. To say I went over the top could be an understatement. I definitely went crazy while trying all the different flavors and adding lots of toppings to my tub, but it was DELICIOUS.
After saying goodbye to Estabrook, Anthony and I drove to the restaurant we were meeting my parents at, called Lang Van. When we arrived, I was truly excited to be reunited with my parents after a month of separation. My mom ran out of the restaurant to greet us and give me a warm embrace, it was great to be together again.
My farewell to Anthony was short and sweet, the way it usually is. He’s not much of a hugger but I made sure to hug him before we went our separate ways. I’m so pleased I got to spend time with him, we both really needed it!
The first day with my parents was rough! Everything they did seemed to trigger me. I’d been my own person for a month and wasn’t used to them asking me so many different questions and babying me about food, clothing, or my messy suitcase. It was really hard to get back into the swing of being with my parents, but we got there in the end.
I love it when my dad wants to talk to me, though it would be nice if the conversations didn’t always involve me getting into trouble.It’s great to have a dad who pulls me up when I’m going wrong, even if it is hard to hear at the time. He knows how to tell me things and to talk about it without raising his voice, which I really appreciate.
Last weekend was my dad’s Prayer Partners Conference. I was looking forward to seeing everyone and witness what YHVH was going to do in all the people who attending, but I was nervous to see Jackson since I didn’t know how he was going to act after our last conversation. I was determined to show him that I wasn’t going to ignore him, but I also wasn’t going to be too friendly. Unfortunately, this only added to the drama that was going to occur in the coming days.
Last Thursday, the morning after seeing Jackson for the first time, he messaged me to ask if I’d changed my mind about not being friends and then continue to persuade me to be his friend. I didn’t know how to respond to most of his messages so I asked Anthony to help me, but he got really worked up over how Jackson was handling the situation. It was annoying how much Jackson was pressing the situation and not letting it go, he really wanted to be friends. Finally, he just said that he’d respect my wishes though he didn’t agree with them.
The next evening, he didn’t talk to me and I tried to stay away from him. Of course, there were moments where we made eye contact, but I tried not to react. That night, however, I couldn’t sleep because I was so torn about this whole situation. Truly, I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn’t come.
Saturday was a really hard day for me. I didn’t have any peace over the situation and spent most of the morning’s service praying about it. I also asked one of the leaders for prayer over the situation because I didn’t know what to do. It was funny, at first I had peace about telling Jackson that I didn’t want to be friends, but the more I resisted the more uneasy I felt. I think the event that really caused all of the questionings was when Jackson shook my hand and we made eye contact, for a couple of seconds it was just us in the room.
It seemed really awkward to near around each other after that event. His little sister even asked me if I was mad at him. What made it worse was that he sat at my table during lunch and I lost my appetite. I'd had a really upset stomach that morning and lunch only made it worse so I didn’t eat and just sipped on some chamomile tea.
That night, I couldn’t sleep again and the situation wouldn’t stop nagging at me, so I messaged Jackson to ask if we would talk the next day. The next morning, he agreed to talk after the conference, which gave me enough time to pray some more and prepare. :P
Sunday, my stomach hurt more than the day before! I could barely eat and prayed that I would last the rest of the conference without throwing up. We went into a time of prayer and intercession, that morning, and I got the feeling like I really needed to let go and allow YHVH to move. Throughout that weekend, I realized that I was acting as if my desires were also YHVH’s desires, so I didn’t take the time to really ask Him until I couldn’t find peace. In my mind, I didn’t want to have another guy in my life and I didn’t want any more drama, however, was that what YHVH wanted?
When it came time for me to talk to Jackson, all my walls broke down as I heard his side of the story. The first time he messaged me, he hadn’t been thinking of me until YHVH told him my name and showed him an open door. As soon as Jackson saw the open door, he messaged me because he knew he was now allowed to talk to me. Meanwhile, I had just ended everything with Jeremy and was happy for a break, until this new nuisance came back into my life. ;)
At the end of our conversation, I decided that it was okay if we became friends again but starting fresh, with no hidden agendas. I told him that I didn’t want to be more than friends and wanted to be led by the Spirit more than my emotions. He agreed and we were going to start catching up, but I had to go to have a mini photoshoot.
Our family photoshoot was so much fun! I loved seeing my parents be all lovey dovey because they never act like that. I see them kiss occasionally, but never gazing into each other’s eyes. I also loved getting pictures taken of my and my dad, they turned out marvelously!
Before leaving Tennessee to go back to Pennsylvania, I was very happy to get the chance to talk to Jackson in person more. When we had returned to The Vineyard to pack up our equipment, he was there reading the Bible and using the computer. Once I had done everything required of me, I went over to him and we talked for a good two to three hours!
Since then, we’ve been really wise and made sure to tell the other that we didn’t have to talk every day and should pray about the right time to talk. I remember feeling suffocated with Jeremy because we would talk every day and I don’t want to go back to that. Thankfully, Jackson also agreed and we made it a point to pray and discern the days we should talk, and also not talk on Shabbat since that is YHVH’s day!
Being back in PA has been great! I miss everyone in Tennessee, but it’s so nice to sleep in my own room and not be cramped in a hotel room with my parents. I'm glad my parents came for a couple weeks, my love tank was filled up and should keep me going until January.
After the conference and returning to Pennsylvania, I’ve gotten so many words from YHVH! This week, I started reading a new devotional about connecting with God and each other. Each day that I’ve read it, YHVH has spoken to me in some way!
On Wednesday night, the night I started the devotional, YHVH asked me some really strong questions, “How far are you willing to go in order to follow Me? Will you lay EVERYTHING down for Me?” And the last question, “Are you willing to give up your biggest desires in order to obey Me?”
Each of these questions left me thinking about what I was holding on to. For years, I’ve told YHVH that I didn’t want to end up like my mom, having a husband who doesn’t have a steady income or job. YHVH showed me that this desire needed to go in order for Him to fully work in me. Money and the possessions of this world don’t matter, in the end, what really matters is your relationship with your Creator!
I don’t want to miss my destiny because I’m holding on to fairy tales that could come true, but wouldn’t be YHVH’s ‘happily ever after.’ I want to lay everything down for Him, without a doubt! This week YHVH showed me just what I needed to do, my next challenge is actually doing it!
I challenge you today, take five minutes out of your day and just sit in absolute silence! Don’t pray, don’t think, just listen to what YHVH wants to say to you. You may be surprised by what you hear!
Psalm 62:5-6, “My soul, wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.”