I grew up in a Christian home. My dad’s a minister so I’ve had a lifetime of experience with Christians and God, but I was never given another option. I was a typical Christian raised girl, ‘accepting’ Christ into my heart at the age of six, getting baptised on Easter Sunday at the age of thirteen, and then going through the difficulties of being a teenager.
I think everyone goes through the stage of wondering who they are. I’m still not 100% sure of who I am, but I’m finally starting to get closer. After going through a period of rebellion, I came out standing on my two feet. I know that through all that, God was holding my hand the entire way.
At the end of my rebellion, I had to learn what it meant to let go of my parents hands and start holding onto God. My whole life I had depended on my parents for making decisions for me, but now that I’m 18 its time to start making them for myself. Granted, I am going to make mistakes but with God’s Voice leading the way, I know I can make it through anything.
This week I began my journey to discover why I have faith in YHVH and what I believe in! I didn’t know what to expect along the way, but I trusted in Him to reveal it all to me. If you’re interesting in learning what I discovered, please continue reading the following paragraphs, or pages.
I started the week off by taking distractions out of my life and focusing on YHVH and His Word. The night before, I spoke to Jeremy about what I wanted to do and he agreed that a week’s break would be good. That being said, there was no way we were going to let our snapchat streak end, so we agreed to send one funny or random snap to the other everyday. Of course, some days we couldn’t help but say a couple extra things before disappearing until the next day, I honestly don’t know how we lasted eight months of silence!
Even when I came back to the Father and His Word at the end of last year, I have never been so on fire to read the Bible! I spent most of Sunday afternoon reading through Psalms and Hebrews, taking notes along the way. I was amazed that everything I was reading was relevant to my mission for this week.
There were so many parts to Psalms that really stood out to me, but the verses that stood out to me the most on Sunday were, Psalms 143:6-8, “I have spread out my hands to You; My being is like a thirsty land for You. Hasten, answer me, O YHVH; My spirit fails! Do not hide Your face from me, Lest I be like those going down into the pit. Let me hear Your kindness in the morning, For in You I have put my trust; Let me know the way in which I should walk, For I have lifted up my being to You.”
I want to know how to walk in Him! I don’t want to waste my life away on things that do not fulfill my purpose. My cry for this week was for YHVH to reveal those things to me and, as the Psalm says, to hear His kindness in the morning.
After finishing the book of Psalms (no, I didn’t read the whole book in one day), I went on to finish where I’d left off in the book of Hebrews. At the beginning, I just wanted to finish the book so I could take the fabric bookmark out and use it somewhere else, but as I started reading I was shocked to see that it was all about belief.
Hebrews 11:6, “But without belief it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to Elohim has to believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who earnestly seek Him.” After reading that I realized what I believe. I believe that YHVH is my Heavenly Father who will never leave or forsake me. I am proud to call Him my Elohim, God, and I will never doubt Him again. He is my Rock and my Stronghold, there is no reason I shouldn’t put my trust in Him.
Though I had learned what I believe, I still had more unanswered questions. It seemed like each day dealt with another one of those questions. It’s truly amazing how much you can learn in one week when you set your mind to it!
The next morning, Monday morning to be precise, the chapter I read before getting out of bed was 1 Peter 1. The two verses that spoke to me during this chapter were eight and nine, “…Whom having not seen, you love; in whom you exult with unspeakable and esteemed joy, yet not seeing, but believing, obtaining the goal of your belief: a deliverance of lives.”
Believing doesn’t necessarily mean seeing. There’s a saying, “I’ll believe it when I see it,” but that’s not possible with God. You won’t see him face-to-face until the everything that has been written is fulfilled, but that doesn’t mean there is no proof He exists. In fact, I just learned that there is so much evidence about Yeshua’s existence that historians can’t deny He walked the earth, which I find amazing!
I believe in God, not because there is evidence that prove’s He exists, but because He’s completely changed my life. The moment I truly gave my life over to Him, I became a new person. If you know me or have been reading this blog, I hope you have noticed the difference in me. Since I told YHVH that He was my God and that I wanted Him in my heart, He has blessed me in more ways than I can count.
As it says in 1 Corinthians 7:34, “…The unmarried woman is concerned about the matters of the Master, that she might be set-apart both in body and in spirit. But she who is married is concerned about the matters of the world – how to please her husband.” I want to be concerned about the matters of my Father, not about the things of this world. Yes, it’s important to keep up with what’s going on in today’s society, but when it starts to become an addiction and gossip, that’s when you have to limit what you read or watch.
Throughout this week, I have grown closer to my Creator. Each day, I was excited to open my Bible and read where I had left off. There are so many stories and life lessons inside the Word of God that I didn’t know existed, until now. I don’t want to stop reading it until I’ve read it from front to back!
1 Timothy 4:12-16, “Let no one look down on your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in behaviour, in love, in spirit, in belief, in cleanliness. Until I come, give attention to reading of Scripture, to encouragement, to teaching. Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you by prophecy with the laying on of the hands of the elderhood. Practise these matters, be in them, so that your progress might be plain to all. Pay attention to yourself and to the teaching. Continue in them, for in doing this you shall save both yourself and those who hear you.”
During this week of learning, I also had my army appointment. I was really nervous about going because I didn’t know what to expect, so I prayed throughout the night that His Will would be done. By the morning, I had no nerves and was ready for what was to come.
Whenever we go to the army base, a lot of waiting is required, and this time was no different. Altogether, I think we waited over an hour and a half before getting the answers we needed, which was really difficult because I wasn’t feeling well. It seems like every time I go to the base for our appointments, I get a migraine (sigh).
After the doctor had examined my X-Rays, he told us that he understood the problems I have but needed to talk to the general about changing my draft date, which was supposed to be today! This made me nervous because we thought that the doctor had the power to change my draft date or excuse me altogether, but at that moment it seemed like they were playing games with us and were going to do everything they could to keep me enlisted, even if my health wasn’t 100%.
Once our meeting with the doctor was over, he wanted me to have an interview with the army psychologist, so we waited another 30-40 minutes for her to be available to talk to me. I have never been to a psychologist but I can assure you, she was not as gentle as the psychologists in the movies. Instead, she tried her best to figure out what mental illnesses I had as quickly as she could.
During the interview, she learned about my migraines and my ‘strange’ life. She couldn’t believe that I had no anxiety, depression or other mental illness after spending three months in a dark room with an excruciating migraine. When she questioned why I hadn’t needed therapy after spending all that time in my room, I replied and told her that I prayed and had the strong counsel of my parents.
By this point, I finally learned the reason the doctor had wanted me to see this psychologist. Turns out, because my parents had come to the appointment with me, instead of waiting in the car or just dropping me off, they thought I must have dependency issues. I laughed when the psychologist said this because I’m a very independent person.
In the end, the psychologist concluded that I wasn’t mad or had any mental illnesses, who knew? :P She told me that she thought I was mature for my age and was just different to everyone else. Unfortunately, she also said that I was a traumatic car crash waiting to happen but she couldn’t help the driver because I’m not crazy.
I was astounded at this comment because I wasn’t expecting it. If she see’s that this is about to happen, why can’t she do something to help me? Looks like the only one who can help is the doctor, since my condition is physical not mental. To be honest, I’m sort of frustrated at the complete 180 I had to do in order to come to the conclusion I knew all along.
The outcome of meeting as a whole was that the army now knows my condition, cancelled my draft for today, and has given me six more months of freedom before they’ll draft me again. This means that I’ll be able to travel back to the States in order to restart my treatment; that is, if I don’t stay in Israel and do all the treatment I need here.
I am happy with this outcome, but now the praying begins about the where I should get my treatment. I can’t keep living like this! Since coming back to Israel, my headaches have increased in intensity and I’m in constant pain. I’m restricted to helping my parents with chores around the house, I can only last a couple of hours editing on the computer, and I still don’t have enough energy to walk my dogs or go for a swim!
This week has opened my eyes to a lot of things. If I hadn’t watched the movie God’s Not Dead 2, I don’t think I would’ve gone on this quest. Another movie that also opened my eyes this week was Miracles From Heaven.
I had wanted to see Miracles From Heaven all week, and I was finally able to on Wednesday night. Unfortunately, it wasn’t as happy as I thought it was going to be. The entire story took me on a journey that left me an emotional wreck.
I know some of what the little girl, Anna, went through during her time of illness. Like her, I’m in constant pain and at one point have said that I’ve wanted to die, but that’s not what my eyes were opened to. The part that really made me emotional was seeing how her parents coped through it all. I have never thought about what my parents must be going through as they see their daughter unable to open a can of coconut water or empty the dishwasher. I feel like I’ve been selfish for the past six years, thinking that I was the only one going through this hell. But, I’m not on my own.
My parents are the strongest people I have ever met. Everyone should be thankful to have a parent who loves and cares for them, I know I am. Since birth, their main objective was to raise a healthy girl who had an awesome, God-fearing, life; but it hasn’t been easy. My parents have been by my side throughout all the challenges I have faced with my health. There have been many uncomfortable nights spent in hospitals where my mom has had to sleep on a stiff chair, but she did it.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned this week is that I have the world’s greatest parents! No matter what has happened, they have always been my number one supporters. I can’t thank YHVH enough for blessing me with my mom and dad!
Now, enough sentimental stuff, I’m not finished telling you the rest of my week! After long, painful, days and semi-sleepless nights, my mom was fed up with me being in so much pain and decided it was time to take action. As a result, we spent Thursday looking for a chiropractor in our area.
In the end, we found an American working in Haifa who could hopefully help us. We booked an appointment for the next morning and went to bed thinking that it would be easy to get there, wrong. Unfortunately, there was a loud party across the road that went on until 5:30am and my alarm decided that it wouldn’t go off at 8 to wake me up. By the time I was woken up, we were supposed to be running out the door to my appointment!
After making a mad dash around the house, getting things together, my dad and I finally ran out the door and raced to Haifa as fast as we could. Thank God the traffic wasn’t too bad and the roads were mostly clear. In the end, we were only 10 minutes late and still able to see the doctor!
This new chiropractor, Dr.Hans is his name, was a gentle guy who seemed to understand my condition quite quickly. It was a very different experience from the clinic I had been going to in Tennessee as he didn't have the fancy machines or the large space. His clinic was made up of three small rooms and once small receptionist desk, but nevertheless, he still helped!
I can’t tell you how good it felt when he clicked my neck. It felt like I had been set free in a way, though it didn’t get rid of the headache it certainly took a lot of the pressure away. I’m very thankful we were able to go and see this chiropractor and look forward to seeing him again this week. My prayer is that he will continue to be a good doctor until the chiropractor my dad wants me to see, returns from his holiday.
Another fun thing that happened this week was that Nathan came to spend the weekend with me! I was very excited for him to come and hoped he would cheer me up after having such terrible headaches all week, I was not disappointed!
After picking him and my nana up, we headed towards my house for a night of catching up, cooking, and stargazing. Like every time I’m reunited with Nathan, we didn’t stop talking from the moment we said hello. Yes, my head was still sore and I was slower than usual, but that just gave Nathan more time to talk then he usually does. ;) Just kidding… Kinda. hehe
I loved having my cooking buddy back, Nathan is a great sous chef. As usual, we made our speciality dish, PIZZA! One of them was vegan while the other was not, both tasted exceptional.
After devouring our food and taking my nana home, Nathan and I took some small mattresses onto the roof and laid under the stars (This wasn’t a romantic thing at all, by the way!). We talked for as long as he could keep his eyes open, tried to figure out what stars we were looking at, and made shapes out of the clouds (I saw a bunny!).
Altogether, this week has been perfect and the ending couldn’t have been better. I’m looking forward to this next week and praying that it will be just as good as the one I just had. I’m so excited about the new things I’ve been learning and I can’t wait to learn more!
Though my week of soul searching is over, that doesn’t mean I will stop asking questions. My prayer is that I’ll continue down the path I’m on at the moment and won’t lose the fire I have to read the Bible. Just tonight I started reading the book of Daniel and I’m already learning a lot!
Psalm 25:4-5, “Show me Your ways, O YHVH; Teach me Your paths.Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the Elohim of my deliverance; On You I wait all the day.”
Daniel 6:27, “‘He delivers and rescues, and He works signs and wonders in the heavens and on earth, for He has delivered Dani’ĕl from the power of the lions.’”