Love is hard to express with words. It’s meant to be felt more than told, so when you’re in a long distance relationship it’s hard to keep those feelings under control. All you want to do is show that person what they really mean to you without using words, but that’s impossible because you’re not near them.
You have no idea what I would do to be with Jeremy tonight! We spent the entire afternoon on a video call and watching The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, and I couldn’t stop staring into his big brown eyes. The entire time I wanted to reach into the screen and pull him over so I could hug and kiss him. Feelings were on a high today because we both just wanted to be together but couldn’t. I have never had such strong feelings for anyone and there is no way for me to really let them out because he’s not here with me.
It was torture being able to see Jem and not touch him, but it has really made me excited for the next time we will be together. I keep fantasizing about it which, I think, is the only thing keeping me going. I can’t sleep tonight because I keep imagining being with him and I want it to be a reality so damn badly!
Jem has come to mean so much to me. I never expected him to become such a big part of my life and I can’t imagine my life without him. Quite frankly, I don’t want to. Being able to call him mine and tell him that I love him is one of the greatest feelings in the world. I never thought love would feel like this.
Whenever I heard or read that love hurts I wouldn’t believe them, because I couldn’t imagine how love would be able to hurt someone, but now I can. Being in love is the greatest gifts life can give you and I plan on treasuring it forever. I also know how bad it can hurt. I’m currently sitting in my bed unable to sleep, though it is 1am and I have to be up in seven hours, because my heart is aching for him. October can’t come fast enough! The best remedies for this pain is listening to Taylor Swift, reading love poems or books, and talking to Jeremy as much as I can.
I currently have Taylor’s song, Wildest Dreams, on repeat because it is the song that fits my current mood. “He's so tall, and handsome as hell… Say you'll remember me; Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe; Red lips and rosy cheeks; Say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams.” It’s amazing how a song can say exactly how you’re feeling at any given moment! I don’t know what I would do without music. A poem that also helps me is by Lord Alfred Tennyson, “Half the night I waste in sighs, Half in dreams I sorrow after The delight of early skies; In a wakeful doze I sorrow For the hand, the lips, the eyes, For the meeting of the morrow, The delight of happy laughter, The delight of low replies.”
I can see it now, me and him in a dark room holding each other like we’re never going to let go. Then, we pull back just enough so that our foreheads can touch. As we stand there in silence, he leans in and kisses me so softly it feels like a brush of wind. When he pulls back, I can’t stop a smile from forming across my lips, and then I pull him closer and we kiss again, harder this time. Ughhhhhh why do I do this to myself?!
If only my dream could become a reality quicker than I know it will. Instead, I have to be patient and wait for October to come so I can fly to America to be with him. Until then, I’ll just keep dreaming these wild dreams and picturing his face as I fall into a deep sleep.