Last Wednesday started off as a really good day. I’d had a good day doing my school work and had even Facetimed Gabriella for an hour, but that happiness all changed after I had lunch with my mom.
As I have almost finished school, it’s almost time for me to go into the army. I have been receiving letters from the head administration telling me to come in for interviews, so that they can begin the process. The most recent letter came two weeks ago and my mom decided that there was no point in me going since I still have another year of school left before I can join. Because of this, she wanted to write a letter to the army administrators and tell them that there is no point in me going. This would have been an easy task to undertake, although it was delayed unnecessarily because my mom took over five minutes just to give me the information to scan because she had to change the jacket she was wearing and clean anything that was out of place first.
Once I finally got the information, I went to scan the pages only to realize that I was not in possession of the cable to connect my laptop to the printer. This got me frustrated and I said some words that I am not proud of. I ended up slamming my bedroom door shut to give a dramatic exit.
Of course, I felt bad after this ordeal and went to apologize. We both calmed down a bit and came to the conclusion that we would go to a friend’s house to scan the pages from their printer. I thought that this would be the end of our disagreement, but it wasn’t.
After a little while I went on FaceTime with Isabelle because we were going to read Romeo and Juliet together. However, before we got to the reading part, she had to tell me about her date with this really hairy guy, haha. I wanted my mom to see but she wouldn’t come and started doing her hair instead. This got me frustrated, but I didn’t say anything, instead I continued my call with Izzy.
I was having a great called with Isabelle, but it was unfortunately cut short when my mother decided to rush out of her bedroom shouting that mud and water was pouring into her bathroom from the windows, this of course was an exaggeration. She started yelling at me to get off my butt and run downstairs to get her cloths and a bucket. I got her the cloths but apparently they were the wrong ones and so was the bucket. After about three journeys up and down the stairs I finally accomplished her request.
My mom was still stressed with everything and started yelling at me even more. If I tried to calm her down she yelled at me to shut up, at this I knew I wouldn’t be able to carry on my conversation with Izzy and told her that I would talk to her later. I’m so embarrassed that she had to hear all that, but at least I hung up before she heard my mom calling me other names. She started saying that I was useless, unhelpful, unappreciative, along with other things, even though I was helping her stop the flow of water that was coming into our house through the windows.
Any attempt I made to calm my mom only made things worse and in the end she broke down into tears while she was yelling at me. I continued to clean while she cried her eyes out and tried to tell her to go sit down but she wouldn’t listen because all she could see was the mess, that was probably being seen way out of proportion.
Once she become even more frantic, I called my dad who’s in America right now on business. I didn’t care that I woke him up, I just needed him to calm my mother down for me because I couldn’t do it. Unfortunately, I have never known my dad to be so unhelpful. Instead of calling my mom, he refused to talk to her and just told me to respect her and obey her. What type of advice is that?! I mean it’s one thing to help my mom clean the water, but it’s another to be helping and STILL being called ungrateful and useless.
Words really hurt and I don’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t have Izzy to text while this was all going on. My mom seriously went out of control and the only thing I wanted to do was run away, but I couldn’t. I had to act mature and take the role of parent because the animals were all nervous and there was no one in the house who was acting their age, so it was my job to get on with it and try not to listen to the nasty words coming out of my mother’s mouth.
I will always love my parents, but if they treat me like trash they will not see me staying quiet and submitting to their every word. If my dad was here there would be no way that I would’ve stayed in the house with my mom acting like that. I wouldn’t walked out of the house, rain or not, and gone somewhere to calm myself down and wait for my mom to calm herself too.
Unfortunately, I had to do what I was told just to keep my mom from going violent. I’ve seen her get mad at my father and I have seen her hit him in the chest. I didn’t want to be at the other end of her blow because I was nervous that I might react in a way that would hurt her, so I did as I was told and kept quiet. I also refused to let her see me cry, so once it was time to walk our dog that’s when I let it all out.
After she calmed down, my mom still had the attitude that reminded me of my grandmother. My grandmother has an obsessive disorder and has to clean EVERYTHING that comes in her path, and everything as to be in order. For the past couple of months, I’ve seen my mom pick up these terrible habits, but she won’t admit that there’s something wrong with her. I wish I could help her, but I know that if I try I’ll just get pushed to the side and scolded.
It’s been a couple of days since my mother’s outburst and things have calmed down. She’s starting to be herself again, but I still have the thoughts of running away. I don’t want to be near her when she has another out burst, because I know that it’s going to happen again. I want things to go back to normal and not be on the edge all the time. I’d be able to be myself around her again if she would just realize that she hurt me with her mean words and apologize for them, but I see that this is not going to happen and have to accept it.
I’m not writing this blog post to get pity. Instead, I’m writing this really personal encounter and posting it for the world to read so that other teens out there know that they’re not alone. Whatever you might be going through there is always a way out of it. It might take lots of courage to fulfill the escape, but it’s always possible. Never lose hope. The best way to get through hurtful words is to not let them get to you and tell yourself that what has been said are lies and there is not a single truth behind them. You’re not alone! No one is alone!